The proposal to my beloved
I noticed Heather when I was assisting during a Solsara retreat almost 2 years ago. I noticed she was moving through some shit and I didn’t want anything to do with it. Let someone else assist her. I was processing my own shit and addiction to men. I had my eye on a man and of course, couldn’t get him out of my thoughts. It was during that immersion that I fell to my knees in surrender and said I don’t want to suffer anymore. I was tired of the addiction to men and to finding a soulmate.
That was September 2017. I went into a productive period with my coaching business AND I hired a love and dating coach for myself. I was working on my business and dating A LOT. I was dating to experiment, to have fun, and to know myself better. As my coach put it: dating as therapy. Thanks to my coach and what she taught me, I ended up creating one of the best programs for my clients. I was in the midst of creating the first 5-day Challenge for women, planning my first weekend retreat for women, planning a group program for women, seeing clients privately, and organizing my Intimacy Soirees for women (wow, did I do all that? Dayum!). I did EVERYTHING by myself. I honestly don’t know how I did it all and didn’t end up in the hospital. I forget that I had a lot of tools under my belt and obviously I used them because everything turned out mega successful. I didn’t collapse or get sick either.
Heather started coming to my Intimacy Soirees and invited women to join her. I was grateful to have her and I still didn’t pay her any mind.
She signed up for the first Intimacy Retreat Sleepover. Cool, I thought. The retreat was super successful, fun, and exhausting. I felt proud of myself for following through and pulling it off with the help of friends. I remember being a bit averse to Heather thinking she would be needy. I also remember having an interaction with her where I held her, along with other women, while she shook and allowed herself to release. I didn’t really pay much attention to her since I was taking care of 12 women.
I did notice that she started to promote my events and programs on Facebook. I was grateful for her courage and effort. I noticed she signed up for my first Challenge which took place a couple weeks after the retreat. I noticed she was “vocal” in the private FB group during the challenge. I remember loving her honesty and vulnerability. The Challenge was intense and I knew it would be. I was taking a great risk in offering it to women. It took women to their edge and definitely out of their comfort zones. There was a ton of engagement in the FB group and I remember Heather being at the forefront of it.
Heather signed up for the first iteration of the Pleasure & Intimacy Immersion. I was offering it as a 4-week live virtual program believing I could teach what was necessary in that time span. I remember Heather showing up even though she was a full time driver back then. She would show up to sessions in her car, pulled over. She was open and coachable. At a much later conversation, she said she thought I was full of shit and that what I was teaching couldn’t possibly work. What I didn’t know about her was that she had been on a journey of self-love and discovery for a long time. I thought she wouldn’t practice anything I taught. I was dead wrong.
She went full in. She showed the fuck up. She practiced and met her resistance full on. She listened intently and did her absolute best. I remember thinking this woman is amazing. In that first Immersion, I was skimming the surface of who Heather was. After 4 weeks, I invited the women to continue with me for another 4 weeks because we were clearly not done and I didn’t want to leave them hanging. All agreed to either continue in the group program for another 4 weeks or work with me privately. The 8-week Immersion was born.
She kept showing up
A few months later I ran another Challenge and Heather joined again. I thought who the fuck is this lady? Again, she participated fiercely, vulnerably, and wisely. I offered the 8-week Immersion and she immediately scheduled a consult with me.
At the same time, I needed help promoting the Immersion so I reached out for the first time to former clients to be Radical Pleasurist Ambassadors. This was my attempt at an affiliate program. I contacted several clients and she was the only one to respond to my email with HELL YES. No hesitation. She was the only one who promoted on social media speaking about her experience. She was the only one who agreed to be interviewed and give a testimonial about her experience live during a webinar. She amazed me. I definitely noticed her now. What she was doing was no small feat. I know the nature of my coaching. It’s terrifying, edgy, and deep. Very few step up. She kept stepping up.
When she scheduled the consult for the second Immersion, I thought why the heck is she wasting my time? Does she just want free shit? We spoke and I asked her, more or less, why she needed a consult knowing what the Immersion is about. She blew me away. I had never met any woman like her. She said she was ready to go through it again because she had evolved and she felt called to experience it deeper. I told her it was 10 times the investment from the first iteration (from $99 to $1000) and she was completely in. I thought this woman is extraordinary. I really had no idea just how extraordinary she was. All of her grit, effort, and self-love has paid off in spades (but that’s her story to tell).
In the second Immersion, I knew she was special. I asked her frequently to speak of her experiences and to be a model to the other women in the group. Of course, she stepped up.
The cliches are true
At the end of the second Immersion, I was profoundly curious about her. I wanted to know about her life and work. I knew her as a coach and knew what she was capable of but I didn’t know how profoundly badass she was. I knew she was an awesome promoter and sales woman and courageous AF. I called her one day and said I know I want to work with you but I don’t know how. I know you are meant to transition out of being my client but I don’t know how we are meant to work together. She had the same thoughts. I learned she was a Virtual Assistant, badass saleswoman, and creator of many businesses. I needed her badly! I thought that I needed to hire her and I had no idea how to do that since my cash flow was non-existent. I invited her to a talk I was doing and asked her to be a support, a resource, and give testimonial to the Immersion. She, of course, gladly agreed. During the talk, she intuitively stepped in and spoke at exactly the right times and I felt held and supported. I felt relaxed for the first time ever during a presentation. I didn’t feel alone anymore. I was impressed.
After that, I knew. I received the message loud and clear from Spirit to ask her to be my business partner. Mind you, we weren’t friends. We were coach and client for a long time. I prayed for help for years. I prayed for a co-creator for years. I prayed for a male-bodied co-creator. I wanted a male counterpart to co-teach with me. I wanted someone skilled. I wanted a fellow badass entrepreneur and businessman who knew his shit. I wanted someone with masculine energy who would plan and execute projects just like me. Over the years, I met lots of men, some of them coaches, and no one quite fit. I wanted someone local with whom I could be in physical proximity since I feed off of people’s energy. No man appeared who met my standards.
I was looking for the wrong package and might have missed it altogether. Heather appeared as the package. She was the ONE and I knew it. It’s crazy to experience all the cliché stories as true. When you know, you know. I didn’t have all the facts yet somehow I knew. She was the gift I needed and had been waiting for and obviously, she came in a female body. She came to me, not as a romantic partner who would also be my business partner. She came in a much better and more valuable package. I truly had no idea how perfect she was for me. I am in awe every single day and I learn new things about her every single day.
I called her up and asked her to go hiking with me. We met up on September 5th, 2018; exactly one year after meeting her. Holy Shit! In reflection, our relationship is what I had always wanted (metaphorically). I wanted to meet someone whom I would get to know. Someone who was working on their shit and committed to awakening. Someone who respected and honored me. Someone on whom I could rely. I wanted a slow burn; not the fast whirlwind romances I was used to that failed just as fast. I wanted to co-create with an equal. Heather was and continues to be it.
The Proposal. Yikes!
In the forest, I gave my pitch and I was nervous. I told her the history of Radical Pleasurist, my vision for RP, and what I needed. I was scared AF. It was mega vulnerable. I told her my financial history and the profit/loss history of RP. She listened. Then I proposed.
Will you be my business partner? For better or worse?
She said YES enthusiastically. She said she had no idea what she was saying YES to but she knew it was a HELL YES. I said I can’t pay you money. She said she didn’t care and she wasn’t worried about it. She had ideas, wisdom, and knowledge and she knew, without a doubt, we would make a shit ton of money. Her faith, enthusiasm, and affirmation was exactly what I needed. It was medicine and an upper for me. I had been feeling despair and exhaustion for a long time, on and off, and she revitalized me and my dream. She energizes me all the time.
I was terrified beyond comprehension about the relationship. So much so, that I definitely dissociated and pushed down the fear so we could transition into our new relationship. It was a good form of denial. I trusted my decision and knew everything would be OK. We dove in fast. We started to meet weekly for business and I noticed overwhelm from both of us. My wisdom told me be friends first and the business will follow. One day I told her we’re going to start having fun first. We’re going to create Facebook videos and just have fun. That freaked her out but she, of course, said YES. That’s when the Everybuddy Show was born.
It amazes me to this day how much she always trusts me.
I’ve always wanted to create funny videos with someone and again, my dream was coming true. Slowly we were becoming friends, sharing experiences together, showing up at the same events until it all converged. Now we have the same friends and love the same things while being independent of each other. I’ve never truly had a partner, so I’ve had nothing to reference. The way I feel with Heather, I know, is the closest relationship I’ve ever had to a partnership in every way.
We respect and love each other unconditionally.
We uplift each other.
We accept each other unconditionally.
We have fun together.
We give each other space when it’s needed and we ask for closeness when we need it.
We motivate each other.
We trigger the fuck out of each other and we grow as a result of it.
We tell each other the microscopic truth.
We allow each other our feelings.
We keep our agreements to each other.
We are in a conscious relationship.
When we fall into co-dependence, we quickly come out of it.
We rely on each other.
We communicate impeccably with each other.
We always return to each other and are each other’s safe bases.
If that’s not a kickass partnership, I don’t know what is.
We ARE the pathway to LOVE
One day we were taking a walk and discovered that our relationship would be the model for other relationships as THE pathway to spiritual awakening. It is what influenced our Mission Statement for Radical Pleasurist. ALL relationships are the map and compass to lead us back home to ourselves. It is the road back to LOVE through the twists and turns of forgiveness and compassion.
If I wasn’t paying attention and if Heather didn’t keep showing up, I would have missed this GRAND opportunity for profound love. I could have easily blocked Heather from my view. If I remained attached to only partnering with a certain kind of person (in this case, a male-bodied person), I would have missed the gift.
Thank God I had a solid practice in receiving.
Thank God I was conscious enough to see what was in front of me.
Thank God I listened to Spirit and had faith in how Spirit was leading me.
There have been an abundance of moments of desperately wanting to run away.
That’s my pattern. Due to my collection of deep practices, and being in my body, I am doing things differently.
I’m communicating honestly with Heather, and everyone in my life. I’m committed to her and our partnership in a way I have never been before. That means I absolutely cannot run away which means I have to be creative. I have to constantly look within myself for the answers. I have to rely on my faith and trust. I have to talk to Heather. We have no choice but to work it out EVERY SINGLE TIME. This container we have is the most nurturing and the most FREE and SAFE I’ve ever felt with someone. Because we practice with each other, all my relationships are deep and I have so many beloveds in my life. I am truly not alone. I am truly feeling the love all around me. I am truly loving myself.
Thanks to Heather, I have hope, wisdom, and faith that I could actually have an honest and profoundly deep relationship with a man. I could have the romantic life companion I’ve always dreamed of because I’m breaking all the patterns now in a safe container. Removing sex from the equation has taught me that I could have depth with someone without it and that it never needs to take center stage ever again. Sex isn’t the glue that binds me to men. I am worthy of having gorgeous relationships with men that start as friendships. What I have with Heather is what I desire with a man; a slow burn friendship that blossoms into mutual admiration, respect, fun, co-creation, and mind-blowing pleasure.
You too could have this kind of relationship if you allow yourself to:
- Desire fiercely and never let your desire go
- Trust deeply and know you will receive what you ask for
- Detach from the outcome or how your desire will show up
- Be vigilant and perpetually grateful for what you are receiving in your life. Develop a receiving practice (something I teach in my Intimacy Immersion and build that important muscle
- Be open to receive your desire. If you block, are closed, or deflect, you’re shit out of luck. You cannot ask for what you want and then block it. The Universe isn’t a fan of that. Be open to receive!
- When your desire manifests, celebrate that you asked for it and have received it. Be grateful.
- Rinse and repeat
Heather is a testament to the power of showing up and loving yourself that results in radical pleasure. There is no need to suffer and it requires great courage and effort. Is it your time to receive what you desire?
I love you fiercely,
P.S. Join the Journey Heather and 100s of women have been on. We begin July 22nd!