Let all things be exactly as they are
They are coming up big time. The theme: TRUST
I am finding it VERY challenging to trust. Anyone. I’ve entered an official partnership with Heather, my biz partner and best friend, and I’m realizing that I’m terrified. I want to isolate, not leave my house, never call her, pick fights with her, push her away. I feel the urges coming up. I want to be cold and bossy. I want to intimidate and manipulate her. Those are the OLD ways I employed to feel safe in the world. I’m noticing it all. I’m scared to ask for what I need and want. I’m scared to delegate. I’ve done everything by myself my entire life. I was taught to be completely solo. I was taught to be paranoid and fear relationships. I was taught that people will always let me down and take advantage of me. These lessons are coming up big time. My parent’s voices are coming up. The inner critic takes on their voices. (If you’re scared to ask for what you want, talk to me!) I want to control everything and micromanage. What if Heather fucks up? What if it all goes to hell? What if she sucks as a partner? These are the thoughts going through my mind. I’m realizing that it’s not a matter of trusting her. I’m not trusting my Self and I’m not trusting God. ***When I rely only on myself – the inner critic – I will always choose fear. When I remember to rely on God and I let Him take the wheel, I am restored to trust. He is my first source of support. Then everything else follows.
- I study daily A Course in Miracles. That is how God speaks to me.
- I ask for help first from the divine within me. I pray a lot. My prayer is “please take this fear and transmute it. Show me what is real”
- I feel my feelings. Be it fear, anxiety, resentment, mistrust, grief, frustration, etc.
- I remember that I am supported and loved always.
- I speak the microscopic truth to the people in my life. That is, I say what I am feeling in the moment.
- I ask for what I need. This past week, I asked Heather to be patient with me as I allow her to lead and I allow myself to receive reprieve, support, and love. I also asked her to hold me.
- I express appreciation and gratitude to Heather all the time.
- I express appreciation and gratitude to the divine for supporting me.
- I forgive myself when I am choosing to see fear. I ask for forgiveness from those I have projected my fear onto. They are my mirrors and have done nothing wrong EVER. I don’t blame them for how I feel. I thank them for showing me what is hidden.
- I believe people when they tell me I am supported. I look around me and find evidence of this being true ALL THE TIME.
- I choose to see LOVE.