Are you ready to follow the 5 Steps below to let the emotions flow? Emotions can be intense. Do you keep yours locked up behind closed doors? People can’t see me like this, I can’t burden others with my stuff!.
People pleasing can take many forms. One of the hidden ways I used to try and please people was by making myself, and my emotions, small and hidden. I wasn’t going to let myself become a burden to anyone else! I believe I needed to hold all of this within myself. So I stayed quiet, and pretended I was okay, no matter what.
We can often learn at a young age that intense emotions are not appropriate in public. We cried or had a tantrum and our parents responded by saying “Don’t cry honey, it’s all okay” or “Stop acting up! You are disturbing others”. We shared about an achievement or possible opportunity and someone said playfully “A bit full of yourself, eh?” or “Don’t put all your eggs in one basket.”
It can be quite easy to take this as a lesson that it is wrong to show emotions outwardly, because hearing these reactions might have felt painful at the time. Ouch, don’t want to do that again! Instead of being taught how to feel through the emotions naturally, even around others, we are often left with this idea that we need to bottle all of it up and keep it to ourselves.
What if there was a different way? What if you allowed yourself to voice your true feelings and be seen? Crying in front of someone? Screaming? Hitting something fluffy? Shaking your body furiously? Laughing like crazy? Dancing with joy? If you notice yourself collapsing inward when reading those questions, that’s okay! There might be some hella deep programming within you screaming but I’ll be rejected. To dive into this further – Do you really believe that you will be rejected if you show your authentic self in the moment? If a part of you says yes, can you see how this could be forcing you to stay small?
I get it, you don’t want to lose control and emotionally vomit all over everyone around you. You might be scared of your own wild emotions that often seem to have a life of their own. This shows us just how much power there can be from the force of our feels!!!
In my personal experience, being witnessed in my emotions has been one of the MOST healing practices I have incorporated into my life, even when I’ve been out of touch with myself and went about sharing in a way that I perceived as MESSY AF. So how do you stop worrying about pleasing others, or making them feel comfortable, and let your emotions run their course and propel you forward?
1. Remember you are human, you have emotions and they are all ok.
~ Expressing them might be messy at first and that’s ok too. No one taught you how.
2. Nurture your authenticity by placing yourself in safe environments.
~ Who feels supportive to be around?
~ Where do you find the most relaxation?
~ Your nervous system being calm matters
3. Be honest when asked how are you?
~ “Good” or “fine” cannot be a response anymore. Period.
~ Check out a list of feeling messages HERE
4. Welcome the emotions coming up in your body when around others.
~ Say hello sadness, anger, fear, irritation, joy
~ Stay in your body. the mind will try to grab you
5. Tell yourself – this is a gift! You are providing an incredible service to the world.
~ Even if the person witnessing is uncomfortable
~ Even if you feel uncomfortable (we don’t grow when we stay comfortable)
If you have been feeling tired, timid, or tiny in your life – it’s time to be brave and SHOW UP. I know, easier said than done.
Can you notice how your pleaser might be blocking you from sharing your emotions and allowing yourself to be seen fully?
Shift out of your pleaser and into more pleasure with the help of Radical Pleasurist. With 20 years of experience teaching people how to have pleasurable relationships, you’re in good hands. (BTW, Sophia was a couple, family, and ex therapist for almost 15 years)
Book a Pleasure Upgrade Session with Sophia while her schedule is open!