Do you want to have epic relationships and to feel really good in them?
If you answered with a resounding YES, then you are in for a treat. I am giving away tools and practices wrapped beautifully in a bow (i.e. a program) so that you start having epic relationships this summer. If you want to:
- Ask for what you need
- Ask for what you desire
- Set boundaries with people in your life so you stop burning out
- Stop being a people-pleaser
- Learn how to receive without feeling guilty about it
- Trust yourself
- Actually feel good and happy in relationships
Then this GIVEAWAY and GIFT is for you!
If you ever feel afraid to speak up and opt out of it (i.e you are conflict-avoidant), then you are a people-pleaser. If you don’t know how to say NO or YES without apology or guilt, then you are a people-pleaser. If you have a history of failed or toxic or abusive relationships, then it’s time to break the pattern. If you are always doing everything on your own and are self-reliant to a fault, then it’s time to stop people-pleasing and start asking for help. In a matter of 6 weeks, you can have all of this and more.
For the first 10 womxn who respond, you will be entered to win the amazing CONNECT TO YOUR BODY::SPEAK YOUR MIND program
Here’s how you win:
1. Schedule an Epic Relationship consult in the next two weeks (expires July 14th).
2. Complete the super valuable Pleasure Manifesto before our consult (you receive the Manifesto when you schedule the consult)
3. Show up for the consult and have your mind blown!
4. Be entered to win the CONNECT TO YOUR BODY::SPEAK YOUR MIND program!
5. Winner will be announced via email on July 15th!
6. The winner will have instant access to the program, a sisterhood, and bonuses from me!
Other eligibility rules:
- You’ve never had a consult with me or
- It has been over a year since you’ve had a consult with me
- You are not a current or past client
- Open to the first 10 womxn who apply
Scroll to the bottom of the blog to schedule your consult and enter to win!
I love relationships and I love God. My spirituality is numero uno and up until this week, I have felt conflicted in how to reconcile spirituality, and its usefulness, with interrupting white supremacy and racism (do these words make you cringe, feel guilty, or shut down? Yea, I felt that way too until I learned more about them).
I found this on Sunday and my heart and yoni relaxed. It gave me a context for how to begin a lifetime of anti-racism work within my spirituality. I am a student of A Course in Miracles and I felt lost and almost at the point of abandoning the practices. I started to look for Black teachers of ACIM (with no luck) and how the Course addresses racism. I found some white-presenting teachers talking about it which was a good start. A prominent teacher recently wrote this letter to her community of white people and it inspired me greatly. We can no longer be blind or comfortable when our Black family is suffering every single day.
A dear and mega spiritual Black womxn friend from Chicago popped into my mind. On facebook, I posted about white fragility and how I’m reading the book White Fragility and my friend posted that she will read the book too. That felt alarming to me. Black womxn already shoulder a lot of emotional baggage from their own life of trauma and from taking care of white womxn and their fragility, I didn’t want her to take on anymore emotional labor. Before making assumptions or acting maternalistic or like a savior, I called her. We were excited to talk to each other and started with a lot of “I love you’s” and “how the heck are ya” conversation. She caught me up on her life and health struggles and I told her I called to ask her about her desire to read the book.
I said that it’s a book for white people to wake up and that I imagine what the book describes is a lived experience of trauma for Black people. I asked her why she would want to read the book. She said that she wants to understand what goes through white people’s minds when it comes to denying the existence of race and racism and therefore upholding oppressive systems and white supremacy. She told me about her childhood growing up in the Midwest in a family that taught love for all humans. She told me she grew up relatively privileged and she was encouraged to feel empowered as a Black womxn. She told me about her anger and frustration with the Black community for also upholding racism by going “outward” instead of “inward” (a sign of internalized racism taught to Black people by the dominant culture). She values meditation, spiritual practices that guide right action, connection with ancestors, and unity. I told her of course we are all “outward” (projection so that we feel comfortable and have someone else to blame). We have been taught from day one that Black and white are separate and that serves the ego’s thought system (i.e inner critics within us and outside of us in society). It upholds the lies. White against Black. Black against Black. Men against women. Poor against rich. All about the “other” and projection. We talked about the prison system and programs that have helped inmates come to inner groundedness and peace (i.e. meditation, yoga, literacy, writing). It was wonderful to connect with her and we are committed to connecting again and discussing the issues and how to move forward.
I am remembering my time as a case manager/therapist in a city hospital in Chicago. I worked and spent a lot of time with Black and Brown people. I was with these wonderful humans more than I was with anyone in my life at that time. I spent time with people who grew up in gangs. People who were trapped in the “system” for life. People who committed murders. People who were traumatized in every possible way (rape, assault, incarceration, death on the regular, multiple addictions, severe mental illness, over-medicated, racially shunned). People who were completely ignored and thought to be ignorant. People who were treated like mentally disabled children.
When they would violate probation, I visited my clients in the prison a few blocks from my apartment (the probation rules were really fucking ridiculous and meant to uphold modern day slavery). I brought my clients art and writing supplies so they could continue their creativity and emotional processing. I taught my clients who drooled because they were on so many pharmaceuticals (to keep them docile and compliant) how to use a computer, how to write, how to create a newsletter (that was used conveniently by the administration as marketing material so they could get more docile clients and more money for the hospital), how to use food as medicine, how to use yoga and breath to calm their nervous systems. Young clients of color lived in nursing homes and were shuttled daily by bus to the hospital. Clients lived in shelters. Some clients managed to break through and obtain housing for themselves. I encouraged clients to run their own groups and form leadership teams. They didn’t expect people to treat them like humans and I expected a lot of them. I didn’t treat them as broken or incompetent. I observed their natural abilities and desires and brought it out of them along with my team of therapists (three Black womxn and two white womxn, a white dude manager, and our white male boss who was actually a really awesome person and cared deeply about our clients). The system failed everyone: my clients, the therapists who were overloaded with cases, the psychiatrists who had to pump out meds so that the hospital would receive money, my bosses who were conflicted between doing what was right and being controlled by the higher ups who controlled the money. No one was encouraged to do good work and actually help the Black and Brown communities. Staff were implicitly encouraged to keep up the status quo and make more money for the hospital and the big Pharm.
I didn’t feel like their therapist. “Therapy” was spending time with them, hearing their stories, and creating magic together through embodied practices and courageous communication. I loved my clients immensely.
What bothered me was how they treated me. I was the almighty white womxn with a lot of power. Over time, the dynamic shifted and I collaborated with them often. I think they were somewhat afraid of me and for good reason. I was untouchable. If I didn’t want to be around them, I didn’t have to be. They, on the other hand, had no choice. They had to show up every week day or they would be incarcerated or put into a nursing home or a shelter or they would literally die. The group was a family (I’m talking upwards of 50 people per group per day and there were two sets of groups daily) and they looked out for each other and the staff. They loved us too.
Anyway, I really miss spending time in that way with Black and Brown people. I don’t know why but I always felt like myself in their presence. They accepted me as I am. With all the shit they endured from racism and poverty, they were always kind to me even though I was vastly more privileged than them. I couldn’t say that for my crews of white people all the time. I actually didn’t trust white people in the Midwest because they were people-pleasers and passive-aggressive. I felt more unsafe around white people than my Black and Brown clients. And now that I live in Portland, I feel white-washed and have experienced the same type of mistrust because people here are people-pleasers and stand strongly in white solidarity (i.e. are afraid to call people out on their racism and are insulated from racism and trauma).
There is an exception: I have surrounded myself with a community of predominantly white friends who accept me as I am and are incredible anti-racist activists who are reminding me of the work I am here to do to interrupt white solidarity, white supremacy, and white fragility. They are interrupting racism daily and they are most definitely NOT people-pleasers. I feel safe around them. It’s worth building a community of sovereign beings who aren’t afraid to call shit out and don’t take things personally when called out. None of us fall apart when we call each other out. They are helping me heal my white fragility.
I hope you are the exception as well.
I love you fierce,
Anti-Racist & Anti-People Pleaser Resources
I love this model so much because it elucidates racial identity development in stages. It gave me perspective on where I am at in my racial identity development. So freaking good! (Thank you Sheridan for sharing this with me!)
Amazing journaling prompts for reflecting on anti-racist actions and cycles of action.
Another incredible article by Tada Hozumi, cultural somatic therapist on whiteness as trauma in the white body and how to release it. Wow! It speaks of how we as white people have been conditioned to only focus on the neck up and how to ground back into the lower part of our bodies. So fucking relevant. It is literally unsafe for everyone when we walk the Earth as ungrounded, unanchored beings. From this place is how violence is continuously perpetuated. Trauma is in the body and must be released from the body. It is not an intellectual pursuit and you won’t be healed by thinking through the thing. That shit doesn’t work alone!