It all makes sense now
I started reading The Empath’s Survival Guide and it’s blowing my mind and easing my soul. I highly recommend you check it out! It all makes sense now…
I see myself as a catalyst for people. In Chemistry terms because I used to be a Chem nerd: I am the catalyst in a chemical reaction that burns and transmutes who you are not so you become who you are. From the ashes, you rise as the Phoenix: powerful, majestic, beautiful, and omniscient. I look forward to catalyzing more love in the world.
Are you an Empath?
Have thick skin, my mom said to me a lot as a kid.
My parents fought loudly. They cursed at each other and more often than not, I was to blame. They fought in the house and car where I had no escape. I cried a lot as a kid. I felt other people intensely. When my brother was a baby and he would cry, I would cry. If I noticed someone being hurt, I would cry.
I still cry all the time. Almost daily. I cry listening to songs. I used to cry watching commercials. I can start crying at any moment with no warning. I feel everything intensely.
I was told repeatedly to keep it together, to stop crying, to stop laughing, to stop feeling and showing emotion. I was told that all that mattered was math and science, to be a doctor, to be rich, and to snag a rich Jewish husband.
Creativity didn’t matter.
Art didn’t matter.
Dance didn’t matter.
Singing didn’t matter.
Curiosity didn’t matter.
Nature didn’t matter. I grew up in New York City. Noise galore. People all over the fucking place.
I was drawn to gymnastics, dance, and girl scouts. My parents would place me in classes for a little while and then abruptly take me out. It hurt every single time and I was shut up if I asked any questions. I wasn’t allowed to ask questions. I wasn’t allowed to speak.
I toned it way down. I became very fearful, shy, and extremely angry and depressed as a kid. I became abusive toward my younger brother (he was 7 ½ years younger than me) and it killed me every time (to this day, I cry thinking about it). I became destructive toward my things. I had no idea how to handle anger and despair.
There was always a power and profound love about me. I was a natural leader, risk-taker, and action-taker. I loved everyone. I wanted to be friends with everyone and I loved making people laugh. Teachers tried to shut me up too. Slowly but surely, I shut down over the years and became an Ice Queen and Pleaser. I felt profoundly alone and freaky. For 39 years (!), I felt isolated and didn’t believe I would ever belong anywhere.
Relationships as a shut-down Empath
I chose many narcissists as boyfriends because I was a super giver, a savior, and a mega pleaser. They plugged into me and didn’t unplug until I’d break up with them. I see now that because I didn’t have the skill and capacity to communicate clearly, I would break up with them. I had to get out of the overhwhelm and depression quickly or I would perish. I thought I was running away but I was protecting myself the only way I knew how. I needed to unplug from them. They were sucking me dry and with some of them, I became abusive because I felt trapped and unheard.
There have been people in my life who did not listen to me, who did not allow me space to talk or process on my own. My parents weren’t good at witnessing and listening and I chose people throughout my life who mimicked them. My parents told me I was broken so I chose people who echoed them.
I didn’t know how to love myself because I had forgotten. Knowledge of the truth about myself – that I AM love – was deeply buried.
It took many years to understand, before this epiphany that I’m an empath, that I needed to have boundaries and that boundaries are self-love. I had the kind of boundaries that made me an Ice Queen: cold, harsh, protective, and manipulative. They weren’t the kind of boundaries that connected me to people and allowed my heart to be wide open.
The Light Bulb Moment
When the word empath first came on the scene and became popular, I resisted it. I thought oh here we go, another hippity dippity trend that now everyone will identify with and use as an excuse to be a victim. I had the belief that everyone is intuitive and their abilities were buried. We all have the capacity to feel and be intuitive. I rejected the distinction hard core.
Last week, on my annual camping trip with my dear friend Rachel (fellow empath), the stars aligned and we plugged into each other big time. We spent hours hiking and talking about the Empath. She said not everyone is an Empath. As I listened, I realized holy shit, that’s me and it’s totally ok. I did a quick scan of my life and relationships, especially with men, and saw all the patterns. I quickly reinterpreted them as an Empath and everything made sense.
I understood why I chose the men and friends I had all my life.
I understood that all my friends now are empaths and incredible people. I have THE best people in my life. Super positive. I hardly hang around negativity.
I understood that many of my clients and those drawn to work with me are empaths. And the narcissists were drawn to work with me as well. They wanted to break me down and suck me dry. Those were the clients who questioned me all the time and didn’t do any of the work. It felt awful to work with them. I’m better at listening to my intuition on who to work with and who not to work with.
I understood that I have a grounding energy because I have kickass, loving boundaries and all the people love to plug into that shit.
People always tell me their stories and problems unprompted (and without permission). People used to word vomit on me all the time. Not the case anymore. My energetic boundaries are tight. I don’t allow people to dump on me.
I feel everything through my body.
I feel other people’s pain and pleasure.
I feel other people’s emotions and wonder a lot whether they are mine. I KNOW I’m a happy person so when I’m not happy, I wonder whose energy I’m picking up.
I’m super intuitive and know stuff and I don’t know how I know.
I hear things. I smell things. I feel things.
I don’t let everyone plug in anymore. I’m clear on who is allowed to enter my sphere and I listen to my signals most of the time. I’m sharply discerning.
I have forgiven my parents, my boyfriends, friends, bosses, all the people and I have forgiven myself for shutting down all my life. I know I was protecting myself. What matters now is to love everyone, speak the truth, comfort people, and love myself and others through clear and courageous boundaries.
We all NEED a container to feel free within. We need to unplug from certain people and allow ourselves to plug into LOVE. I love being an Empath and my gifts. I love triggering people by being myself and I love being appreciated for my gifts.
I love all the clients I’ve ever had: those that really triggered me and those I triggered to rise above who they thought they were. Most of my clients have been Empaths, as I reflect. Few were narcissists and those that were, we didn’t work well together. They naturally stopped working with me because of my fierce love and boundaries.
What matters most as an Empath is to love yourself and have clear boundaries. You must be courageous or you will get sucked dry. Learn more about your unique gifts. If you need help, reach out to me here.
I love you fiercely,
P.S. Join the Journey Heather and 100s of women have been on. We begin July 22nd!