I’m hoping by now you are in some kind of routine. I’m hoping that this covid thing has slowed you down. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been busier than ever and I’m slow, at peace, and content. I’m even happy. I know I’m privileged and I have choices. I know others don’t have the choices I have. I’m going to speak to what I have done, and what I have been teaching my clients, to remain sane and happy during this time.

In many ways, I bet nothing has changed and that’s comforting for some. It goes to show how powerful the mind is. The mind is very good at controlling and pretending that nothing has changed. Of course, that’s impossible. Everything changes all the time. 

The point of time and the body is to learn how to use time and the body constructively (learned from A Course in Miracles). The point of time and the body is not to escape or numb or control or survive. Time and the body are learning devices that most humans don’t know how to use effectively and most aren’t willing to learn.

Which camp do you fall under?

I bet some of my community members are doing the same things they were doing before this thing. I bet some of them are escaping reality, avoiding their feelings, shutting down, numbing, turning to more addictions and leaning on them harder than before. I don’t judge. These are observations. I notice that there are two groups of people in my world – those that have finally allowed themselves the space and time to work their shit out (i.e. become aware of trauma patterns, long-standing mental and psychic wounds, relationship repair, therapy, treating the body right, slowing down and breathing deeply, etc) and those who are burying their heads in the sand deeper. I get it. The pain can be overwhelming when you don’t have the right skills and tools, professional help, and community. For two decades, I have been building up the skills, the tools, and the community. Sometimes brushing your teeth is an achievement. I get it. Been there. I am also not speaking to everyone. That’s impossible. I’m speaking to you because you receive this weekly musing.

Sometimes crying in your car or the shower is all you know how to do. Showing yourself to people is not an option. Been there. It’s fucking lonely over there. And it doesn’t work. It’s the opposite of working when all you want is connection and love. To feel significant in this world you must show up. You must show up for yourself first and then you must show up in community with an open heart. Remember the Berlin wall? Yea, didn’t work. The wall around your heart…not working. To get your needs met by you, you must practice the 5 things I’m going to outline below in one form or another. Noone is going to do this for you. Let that illusion and lie go.

5 daily actions a Radical Pleasurist takes for success and happiness

A Radical Pleasurist has a strong set of daily routines and she doesn’t waver from them. When I started a daily morning routine in the summer of 2015 (thanks to being gifted the book The Miracle Morning by Hal Elrod), it completely shifted the trajectory of my life. I swore I wasn’t a morning person. Wake up at 6am? Go to hell. I was extremely unhappy (after breakup #77 with another mentally ill abusive/neglectful boyfriend) so I was willing to do it. It was very hard at first and I did everything the book told me to do because I’m good at following instructions. That’s the sub in me, hehe. I took on a 28-day challenge (because I love those) and I won! After 28 days, I had a morning routine and I was shocked at how badass I was. I still have it and it has been one of my crowning achievements of self-love. My business started to thrive and I started to have friends after a lifetime of feeling alone. Whether the routine is done in the morning, which is highly recommended, or throughout the day, it gets done no matter what. Of course, it’s part of my coaching program for clients. Here are the actions I and my clients take daily:

    1. Meditation. The real kind. Meditation is a practice where you learn how to accept reality as it is. Not as you want it to be. Not the reality you want to avoid. Reality as it is. Meditation is not about stopping your thoughts (never gonna’ happen) or feeling good all the time (never gonna’ happen). It is about how to remain at peace (i.e. equanimous) when there is a shit show going on around you most of the time like, let’s say, during a fucking pandemic. It’s not about chanting or mantra or pretty visions of mountains. Those are simply anchors and a means to the real thing. Meditation uses what already is: breath, body sensations, external stimuli, your thoughts, etc. Do yourself a favor and look up David Sudar. He is my teacher and he is amazing. I am deeply grateful to him for helping me re-establish a sitting practice that I have kept strong for the last two months. Perfect timing, eh? The peace I feel is overwhelmingly delicious. I actually crave meditation. Whether I have 5 minutes or 30, it gets done daily.

    2. Writing. Call it journaling or a head dump. Don’t care. Do it. I can see why people avoid it. Writing makes things real. It’s a big reality check to the Universe. Writing is a powerful magic spell. Writing aids in manifestation and it is the cheapest therapy around. I use writing to serve 3 purposes: to talk to God and receive answers, to dump all the crap in my mind onto the page so I have room for answers, to receive insight. A note on mind dumping – it helps me see what the inner critics have to say. On the page, I see them clearly and can choose not to listen to them because they are fucking ridiculous. When I keep all the voices and thoughts in my mind and try to work them out that way, I get lost and the critics win. That usually feels horrible and makes for awful decision-making. As I write, I work out my own shit as if a therapist was asking me questions. I arrive at clarity and inspirational ideas. I write out my affirmations and allow them to sink into my bones.

    3. Affirmations. All-day-long. Affirmations are powerful magic spells that successfully replace the inner critic bullshit. Affirmations are true. I happen to be brilliant at creating custom ones for my clients and community because I’m good at weaving words together (i.e. magic spells). Hit upon the right ones for you and you are golden. Well on your way to a lifetime of joy and peace. The right ones are felt in the body. They make you cry with gratitude. They bring you back to the beginning of time, before you were conditioned to hate yourself. I say them literally all day long. They are more automatic now than the mean voices in my mind. That’s a miracle!

    4. Movement. I don’t say exercise because I hate that word and concept. Exercise has been consumerized and a commodity meant to make you feel bad about yourself when you aren’t doing it or looking like a Barbie doll. Movement, however, is necessary. I choose different movements depending on what my body needs. I have to move daily to release trauma and stagnant emotions/energy, to vitalize my body, and to allow integration to occur. Integration is the process of saying YES to life, to saying YES to pleasure, joy, success, abundance, etc. I move to make room for YES.

    5. Breathwork. This doesn’t have to be fancy. Five minutes of conscious breath is enough. Breath resets everything. It is a light and a guide into the body. It releases trauma too. Everyday I breathe deeply in addition to specific breathwork. Since covid started, my friend Eric has been leading our community in breathwork daily and it has been immense for my peace. I send out info about Eric’s classes on Wednesday nights. 

There are other daily routines/rituals I do such as sleep well, drink nourishing fluids, work/create, connect with community, receive platonic touch, eat delicious food, and go out into nature. Those are important too. Focus and discipline are my friends and I am grateful for the masculine energy I tap into daily in order to have these. 

What are your daily self-love actions?

Let’s make focus and discipline your friends too. Discipline is not punishment. It’s a shelter that keeps you warm and safe. Need help determining what will nail your day for happiness, pleasure, joy, and peace so you can thrive? Schedule a consult. I’ve opened my calendar for June and there are only TEN spots for a life-changing convo with me.

THE
FEEL YOUR BODY
JOURNEY

THE

FEEL YOUR BODY

JOURNEY

 

Feel, accept, trust, and love yourself!

You are in!

THE

FEEL YOUR BODY

JOURNEY

 

Feel, accept, trust, and love yourself!

Be in sisterhood now!

You are in!

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